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Post by rickyotto on Oct 30, 2017 13:09:00 GMT
Can anyone recommend a good local gardener in the Oxford area?
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Post by pwoufc on Oct 30, 2017 13:18:51 GMT
Max Crocombe will water your flowers😉
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Post by gofish2 on Oct 30, 2017 19:34:26 GMT
I have a 'man who does' (the garden that is) I will ask him if he has a space for another Manor house to take care of. His name is Paul but responds to "Oi, staff!", although not terribly well. He charges 17-50 an hour and claims that he is fully equipped. I have told him that his private life is none of my affair but he nonetheless wants to periodically show me his equipment. I understand that his suspended sentence, for what I am unsure, will soon be spent and his horticultural vocation can once again flourish. Joking apart, he's very reliable and efficient and is good friends with my pup Oscar who helps him!
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Post by Paul Cannell on Oct 31, 2017 8:34:35 GMT
I am currently expanding my garden-tending business and am looking for work. I service a select band of gentry in the Greater Oxford area, charge £17.50 per hour, am dog-friendly, fully-equipped and willing to tolerate a certain amount of ill-mannered, toffish abuse.
Before you offer me the job I should mention that I have developed a visceral aversion to the family ranunculaceae, I cannot pass any of the following plants without ripping the specimen from the ground and grinding in into the mud, pebbles, tarmac or whatever surface I happen to be hopping mad on: anemone (genus Anemone) baneberry (genus Actaea) bugbane (genus Cimicifuga, sometimes placed in Actaea) buttercup (genus Ranunculus) clematis (genus Clematis) columbine (genus Aquilegia) globeflower (genus Trollius) goldenseal (Hydrastis canadensis) hellebore (genus Helleborus) Christmas rose (H. niger) hepatica (genus Hepatica, sometimes placed in Anemone) larkspur (genus Delphinium) love-in-a-mist (Nigella damascena) marsh marigold (Caltha palustris) meadow rue (genus Thalictrum) monkshood (genus Aconitum) mousetail (genus Myosurus) pheasant’s-eye (Adonis annua) winter aconite (genus Eranthis) (This list is not exhaustive).
Please PM me your email address and I will mail my standard contract (includes exclusions re: ranunculacae) forthwith.
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Post by Pete Burrett on Oct 31, 2017 9:26:34 GMT
Don't use Cannell. He 'worked' on our estate and we caught him pissing on the roses.
Find a Mexican. They're cheap, expect to be treated like shit, and their natural working environment is now out of bounds due to some wall or other.
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Post by Paul Cannell on Oct 31, 2017 10:46:47 GMT
Micturation is an ancient process of refreshing the little buds and exhorting them to strain themselves to produce yet more gorgeous full-blown blowsy blooms. Your God recommends it himself in his work "The Song of Solomon".
Don't believe Burrett, he has less regard for employee rights than a Ragusa tomato producer and a penchant for Mexican youth.
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Post by Colin B on Oct 31, 2017 11:36:30 GMT
I would be interested in receiving a quotation for gardening duties on my Nottinghamshire estate. It comprises a mature Capability Brown landscaped area (with lake and fountains) to the rear and a very contemporary front garden by Charles Jencks.
My current gardener is a temporary contractor, being necessary as his predecessor left under a cloud and is currently awaiting trial at Nottingham Crown Court. I cannot say too much about this, as I will be giving evidence for the prosecution, but suffice to say I did not believe him when he told me that a) It was a local custom and b) The Latvian dwarf he was found with was consenting.
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Post by Paul Cannell on Oct 31, 2017 12:01:23 GMT
I would be interested in receiving a quotation for gardening duties on my Nottinghamshire estate. It comprises a mature Capability Brown landscaped area (with lake and fountains) to the rear and a very contemporary front garden by Charles Jencks. My current gardener is a temporary contractor, being necessary as his predecessor left under a cloud and is currently awaiting trial at Nottingham Crown Court. I cannot say too much about this, as I will be giving evidence for the prosecution, but suffice to say I did not believe him when he told me that a) It was a local custom and b) The Latvian dwarf he was found with was consenting. If you can get Jencks to meet me I'll be most grateful. Make it perhaps outside the 'Bird, though, since I'll be carrying a can of petrol and a laminated aerial photo of his atrocity 'northumberlandia' to fan the flames with. Although frankly a flaming necklace's better than he deserves for disneyfying the rape of the coalfields; the pig.
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Post by Colin B on Oct 31, 2017 13:09:12 GMT
I would be interested in receiving a quotation for gardening duties on my Nottinghamshire estate. It comprises a mature Capability Brown landscaped area (with lake and fountains) to the rear and a very contemporary front garden by Charles Jencks. My current gardener is a temporary contractor, being necessary as his predecessor left under a cloud and is currently awaiting trial at Nottingham Crown Court. I cannot say too much about this, as I will be giving evidence for the prosecution, but suffice to say I did not believe him when he told me that a) It was a local custom and b) The Latvian dwarf he was found with was consenting. If you can get Jencks to meet me I'll be most grateful. Make it perhaps outside the 'Bird, though, since I'll be carrying a can of petrol and a laminated aerial photo of his atrocity 'northumberlandia' to fan the flames with. Although frankly a flaming necklace's better than he deserves for disneyfying the rape of the coalfields; the pig. My front garden is more akin to his work Dividing Cells, in Inverness, as you approach the main house. Very much ying and yang with the traditional Capability Brown gardens to the rear. I've never met Jencks, although having got my PA to speak with his PA he would be happy to meet outside the Bird, but suggests later in the season when Glenn might have the Jamaican barbecue on, as he's partial to a spot of curry goat. He can't do midweek games as on a Tuesday he's committed to playing for the Crown and Thistle in the Dumfries and Galloway Dominoes League, Division Four.
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Post by oufcyellows on Oct 31, 2017 13:35:47 GMT
So where is the quince orchard ?
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Post by Colin B on Oct 31, 2017 13:58:37 GMT
So where is the quince orchard ? There is no quince orchard as such, but there are two or three quince trees amongst the apple and pear trees in the fruit orchard. they don't thrive particularly well, as I think it's a bit far north for them, but we do get enough each year for cook to make some marvellous dulce de membrillo, the recipe of which she guards with her life. Marvellous stuff for the cheese board.
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Post by gofish2 on Oct 31, 2017 16:25:22 GMT
Although I realize that this might not benefit the OP, I thought others may be interested to learn that a recent foray into the wilds of West Oxon with the Oscar Pup and she who must be adored (she says) I was rewarded with an abundance of fallen quince fruit which, after meticulous preparation and attention (cut in half and boiled/simmered to a pulp) yielded 1 litre of rose coloured jelly. 'It is both sweet and a little tart' I proclaimed to my beloved 'not unlike yourself!'
It's surprising how long it takes to remove the mixture from ones hair.......
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Post by KLYellow on Oct 31, 2017 17:27:29 GMT
I will be keen if anyone finds one.
My missus needs her bush trimmed.
Sent from my XIAOMI NOTE PRO using telepathy
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Post by upthecowboys on Nov 1, 2017 18:32:19 GMT
Otto..you thought you'd get serious replies on here! You numpty!
If it is nothing major I might be able to help. Will message you. Any excuse to drag my family to Oxford!
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Post by rickyotto on Nov 2, 2017 7:33:15 GMT
I got a few private PMs actually 😜
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Post by saddletramp on Nov 2, 2017 8:07:50 GMT
David Moyes ? All the time he has spent on "gardening leave" he must be something akin to Percy Thrower by now.
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